When people think of wedding planners, they often imagine calm professionals orchestrating the perfect day with effortless grace. And while this image is flattering, it doesn't reflect the full reality of what it means to be a wedding planner. Beneath the composed exterior lies a human being with feelings, navigating high-pressure situations, and sometimes, less-than-ideal treatment from clients and vendors alike.
Recently, I had an experience with a mother-of-the-bride that left a lasting impression—but not for the reasons you'd hope. Leading up to the wedding, I had never spoken to her. She wasn’t financially contributing to the event, nor was she involved in the planning process. In fact, I only knew her name. Looking back now, as I sit here writing this blog, I wish that’s all I knew of her.
I met her for the first time at the rehearsal, and let me tell you, the moment she opened her mouth, I knew I was in for a ride. And not the cute Disneyland teacup ride more like a terrifying drop to the earth type of ride! She greeted me not with a polite "hello" or even a fake smile, but with a tone that could curdle milk. The first words out of her mouth weren’t so much introductions as they were declarations: this was her show now, and I was merely a background extra.
Y'all...."A BACKGROUND EXTRA" Wait, What?
She issued commands like she was auditioning for a role as a drill sergeant, not the mother of the bride. She began by asking me for the order of the events and the processional order. (Uhm...for someone 'running the show' wouldn't you come with details? I mean, I'm just the background extra but what do I know?)
Suggestions? No, thank you. Questions? Don’t be ridiculous. At one point, I think she actually rolled her eyes so hard I worried they’d get stuck. When I tried to explain the carefully planned rehearsal flow, she interrupted to inform me how it should be done—as if she’d moonlighted as a wedding planner in a past life. Spoiler: she had not. Not hating on our deli workers of the world, but she was a deli worker, not a wedding planner! And since we are on this topic of "what she is not", just because you are Type-A does not mean you know how to plan a wedding. I'm going to holla that one more time because it has to be said!
JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A SELF-PROCLAIMED TYPE -A PERSONALITY DOES NOT MEAN YOU KNOW HOW TO PLAN OR RUN A SUCCESSFUL WEDDING!
(that was worth underlining!)
The whole interaction felt like an uninvited episode of "Survivor: Wedding Edition," where I was the contestant desperately trying to avoid being voted off the island. And while I pride myself on being professional and keeping my cool, it took every ounce of willpower not to ask her where her clipboard and headset were, since she clearly thought she was running the show.
It didn’t stop there. Oh no, the show was just getting started! At the end of the rehearsal, the bride came up to me with an apologetic smile and said, “My mom can be... hard.” Understatement of the year, but I smiled back, waved it off, and reassured her, “It’s all good! Don’t even worry about her on the wedding day—our team has everything planned, prepped, and ready to go.” I meant it, too. We were ready for anything. Or so I thought.
When I say it didn’t stop there, I mean it really didn’t stop there. The rehearsal was just the appetizer for what her mom had in store for me on the big day. Our team was scheduled to arrive at the venue at 10 a.m., ready to hit the ground running. The plan was simple: meet the Venue Coordinator at the ceremony location, check-in, and start the day strong. But, as they say, life is what happens when you’re busy making plans. Because not even five minutes into our meeting, in waltzed her. You guessed it—the ever-so-charming mother-of-the-bride.
This time, she made quite the entrance, sporting under-eye pads like she was prepping for a spa day instead of a wedding. Without missing a beat, she picked up exactly where she’d left off the night before, launching into a critique of the venue and a detailed account of her "terrible" night's sleep. Meanwhile, I stood there, trying to politely steer the conversation back to, you know, the wedding.
When I finally tried to chime in, she shut me down with a look and a line I won’t soon forget: “You’re paid to take orders.” Oh, how I wished I could have “taken orders” to leave right then and there! But....the show must go on—and apparently, she was the self-appointed director. All I could think of was the bride (her daughter) whom I had enjoyed working with and how excited she was to get married! I couldn't let her down! I rallied our team and reminded them, that regardless of the mother-of-the-bride, we are to be excited, joyful, and professional! Smiles on...let's go!
Every single minute of the wedding day, she was watching us. Not just watching—hovering. Pointing, staring, and somehow assembling her own personal entourage of disapproving allies. The longer the day went on, the more her critiques came rolling in, like a never-ending Yelp review from someone who was determined to give zero stars. And here’s the wild part: we weren’t making mistakes. Not one. Everything was running like a well-oiled machine, exactly as planned!
But that didn’t stop her. Oh no!! The vendors weren’t spared either—they found themselves squarely in her crosshairs. Her wrath was indiscriminate, raining down on everyone who crossed her path. At some point, it became clear: there was literally nothing anyone could do to win her approval. Perfection wasn’t the goal. The goal, apparently, was to survive.
As I always do on the wedding day, I make it a point to check in with the bride and groom throughout the day. These in-person check-ins are my way of saying a quick “hi” and letting them know everything is running smoothly. (And yes, even when there are hiccups, I keep those under wraps—we handle them behind the scenes and save the funny stories for the offboarding process!) But let me tell you, it took everything in me not to collapse onto the couch during one of those check-ins and unload all my grievances to the bride. I was certain she’d understand the unique brand of chaos I was enduring! I wanted to cry-I wanted to give up! I wanted to throw in the towel of wedding planning and tell the mother-of-the-bride she won! Hand her the event folder and crawl into a hole and die!
Just in case no one has ever said this before—wedding planners have feelings too. We’re not robots in headsets who exist solely to coordinate timelines and make sure every flower is in place. We are real people, with real emotions, doing a job that requires heart, passion, and a whole lot of patience. Yes, we’re experts in making sure your wedding day goes off without a hitch, but we’re also individuals who pour our energy and care into every detail. We are just as invested in your "I Do" as you are!
It was one of those days that really tested me. I had to take a step back and remind myself that my worth, both personally and professionally, isn’t determined by the mother-of-the-bride—or anyone else at the wedding, for that matter. Still, we’re not immune to the pressure and tension that comes with the job, nor should we be expected to just take on disrespect without standing up for ourselves. Trust me, I had every reason to push back! It took every ounce of self-control to keep my mouth in check, especially since I’m known to speak my mind (sometimes a little too much for my own good). But despite it all, we held our ground, kept our cool, and delivered—even though...
Just in case you are wondering, the wedding was wonderful!
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